Stars

When I was dating Jeff, I used to hate what the astrology would say about our relationship: Gemini-Aries. According to astrology, the Gemini-Aries romantic relationship would be short lived, but have the capabilities of developing into a long-term friendship.

I will be honest, it was not easy to get where Jeff and I are at now. But with the arrival of this new year, brought a new me; a "me" that decided to let things from the past go. And to start looking forward into the future. I am dating someone else (he's a Gemini and so far, we're compatable) and I am taking it slow, having fun and enjoying myself with this new guy. I am not putting a name to it yet; according to Jeff, we ARE dating...and I like this guy.

Jeff arrived at our coffeeshop that we normally meet at, the Urban Grind. He also arrived late, another thing I am trying to get used to. I pretend to not notice him walking into the shop, because it makes it seem like I am actually working. I shared some of my tea with him and was catching up on what he has been going on with him since I last seen him. He didn't sound too happy and I could sense something was wrong. Sure, he did tell me his quest for employment is not working too well. But I could sense that he looked more shook up about something else than a consisten paycheck. I asked him to dish what was really going on, and that is where I noticed the change: He told me that he thinks that his boyfriend might be HIV positive.

It's funny how a normal conversation packed with my sarcasm and mockery of everyone in my life can turn serious in just one sentence. I dropped my tea cup back onto the table, placed my hand on his leg, and began to give him my undivided attention. He began to explain why he and his boyfriend think that he might be positive: he is exhibiting all the symptoms related to this virus. He has open sores, night sweats, and other related signs. Jeff told me how worried he was for Joel, his boyfriend. He couldn't sleep at all last night. "I really hope I am wrong this time, but I have seen this before in my brother, and some of the guys I have previously dated." He told me.

I really hope he is wrong too.

It was funny, watching myself change over the four hours with him, change, from last year's story of a boy with a crush on his best friend, to turning into the best friend that I agreed to be two years ago upon our breakup. Then, I decided to challenge him as well: I decided to talk to him about the new guy in my life. And immediately, we both became closer.

As I was talking about this new guy, calling him Riddick for now, his eyes lit up. As if he was proud of how far I have progressed in moving on.

"My other relationships that I have had with other guys have never really stuck like this guy. Except you of course." I explained to Jeff as we were sharing sushi at Ichiban's. "He is the only guy to get me out of a club to cuddle with him while watching 'The Hours.'"

He was smiling and enjoying my company, then he suggested. "We should double date."

I almost accepted the offer. But I still need to check my progress with this guy. So far on the scoreboard, I am earning extra credit for taking care of his cats while he is in Santa Barbara (and this morning, I just cleaned cat vomit from the floor and rug.). Though I am hoping for something with potential with this guy, I am still trying to help integrate into my system: just have fun and don't plan on it. Because that is where I get fucked up.

As I was walking Jeff to his car, I had a sudden epiphany: I was feeling like Joel is family now. Before, I was feeling like I had to fight this guy to get some time with Jeff. But with this HIV scare, I realized that I can't fight someone that is really worried about his life. I beganto ponder how I would react if I were in his shoes. Having my entire life become a battle to stay alive. How close to home this is hitting for me. I couldn't show negative feelings over someone I barely know. Thus giving me the sudden realization that Joel is family too.

Recalling back to the day when Jeff and I read our love horoscope and feeling like my love life was fated in the stars, it did helped me realize one thing. It helped me realize that I had a goal to attain. They are written vaguely for a reason. But as for this relationship I have with my best friend, he has become someone that can always make my day (besides the boyfriend-to-be of course). I cannot ask for anything more right now,but I can hope that things turn out better for his boyfriend. But one can only hope....