Alternate Ending to the World

So the end of the world was prevented by one phone call. A series of ten digits that identify a person and their connections to the outside world. Who knew that these ten digits would bring about a series of events that would lead to a breach in trust.

When catastrophe is about to strike, our bodies switch to a “survival of the fittest” mechanism. This defense mechanism can, at times, lead to betraying people that we once held dear in order to keep ourselves still alive. It can also help surface the people in which we should trust or leave behind. As the day nears to where the series finale to my life in San Diego approaches, I discover the people to keep in my life, and those to discard.

Over the course of the past couple of months, one person has been constantly proving that he is no longer able to keep up in the race to be needed in my life. He has proven that he is nothing but a weak individual that can barely keep himself together. Now that I am angry at Jeff, I can finally see his true colors: I can finally see just how much of a self-centered asshole he really is. And what do I do with people that fail to meet my expectations? I kick them to the curb, like he did to me all these years.

Even while we were dating, he made everything about him. If he didn’t like a certain song while dancing at a club, he would want to go into the next room, taking me by the hand with him. Then he disappeared to Vegas, without me, because he felt pressured and needed to get away. This only proved that he was not strong enough to tackle his demons and that he was always a sucker for pressure. Days after he admitted that he disappeared, he returned to break up with me. His excuse: I am not ready to commit.

Key word in that simple sentence: I.

In order to keep me next to him, he would muster up the sweetest phrases. “You are a catch.” He said this to me while I was driving us home after a night at the clubs. “I am afraid of that day when someone will see just how much of a catch you really are. They will take you away from me and I will be all alone.”

He was right, and many other men I have dated since then have agreed: You’re goddamn right I am a catch. Every day that I am not hanging out with Jeff, his greatest fear is starting to come true. And one day, he will be all alone. Just like he predicted.

When my car broke down, I tried to call him up one day, crying and starting to lose my mind because of all the crazy things that I was experiencing at the time. But he didn’t pick up his phone. His phone was out of minutes. If it hadn’t have been for Sam to come to my rescue, I would have committed suicide on the side of the freeway.

A month and a half passes by…without one single word. Not even a text message asking me how I was doing. Then he texts me to tell me if I want to hang out with him, that he has Monday and Tuesday off.

Then he breaks up with his boyfriend, Joel. I never liked boyfriend, I only felt sorry for his beau because he is HIV-positive. I only befriended him because Jeff was close to him. When Jeff and Joel broke up, he brought back his stupid behavior; this time however, it is taken to the extreme.

Since Joel and Jeff live together, they had to post a 30-day notice with their landlord. In the meantime, Jeff and Joel were still living together, in midst of their recently-established relationship status. While hanging out with Jeff one day, he tells me that he has a date with a guy and that he really likes him. The weird part about this guy: he is just like me, except he has a condo and nice clothes.

I may not like Joel, but after Jeff explained to me how excited he was for this date, I was realizing how wrong and intolerably cruel he is for dating a guy, when he is currently living with his ex. It was just a repeat of what Jeff did to me while he was dating Joel, except we weren’t in a relationship.

While we were hanging out, my interest with hanging out with Jeff was falling faster than the prophecised meteor (predicted in the Bible) that is supposed to hit Earth and pollute the water.

Now where am I in my life? Moving on. Something I should have done when the bastard broke up with me in the first place. I choose to not make any contact with him anymore, until he apologizes for everything that he put me through these past couple of months. I have it planned out that when he sees me at a club, that I will do everything humanly possible to ignore him and give him hell if he approaches me. Hopefully, I will have my entourage with me to back me up should this scenario should ever take place.

Whenever I begin to make progress in my life, Jeff is always the person to bring me back to Square One: back to the day where I met him at my work and being hopelessly in love with him. Just like Mister Big did to Carrie in Sex and the City. I have gone too far in my life to allow one man to bring me back down that road of depression, suicide, and dangerous infatuation to the point where I almost lost my life. I am not going to let it happen again. IWhich thus leads me to my conclusion: I am going to do what Carrie Bradshaw should have done: I am going to stop making any form of contact with Jeff Raymond Contine.

It’s funny how religion always make prophetic claims to the world ending. There is massive tyranny and everything can seem to be taken out of hand and people scream in unadulterated fear; yet at the same time, when the rains have subsided and the fires have ceased to become uncontrollable, we are promised a brighter future.

Since I have stopped hanging out with Jeff, I have been able to have more fun with my life. Riddick, the man I had once had feelings for those months ago, has now become one of my closest friends. I never have to worry what to say, how to act, or where I should be with him. He and I have established that we are going to be friends and I could really use that right now. He has helped fill the void in my life that Jeff could only imagine to fill. Riddick has helped me get the courage to laugh again. I am not saying that I am in love with him, but I can admit that Riddick is one of my dearest friends down in San Diego and is part of the reason why leaving this town will become very difficult in a couple of weeks.

Then there is my girl Sam. I have known her for seven years; but in the past year, she has been there for me when I needed her, and I have done the exact same for her in her rough times as well. When my car broke down those multiple times in the past year, she has been there to drive me down to Hillcrest so we can party together and enjoy the night. While teasing the many lookers with our amazing dance moves and sense of humor. I think out of all the women I have met in San Diego, she will be the one person I will miss the most. Because without her, I would not have been able to talk about some of the things I was afraid to discuss with Jeff…and also, I would be sober.

But though the world involving Jeff is ending, I know I am promised a greater future by having such close and dear friends in my life. I once thought that the world was going to end and life, as I knew it, was going to stop. But the end of the world doesn’t hurt as much as I thought it would. It’s like removing a piece of tape from my arm. Painless.

Maybe even one day, I can have that husband I dream of. But with these new friends that I meet in my life and grow close to, I know that I am getting closer to finding that nirvana-like happiness that will make my years more worth living. Living in this new world that I have grown to enjoy, more so than I did while knowing Jeff.

...when the world ends... (part three)

I finally answered the phone. Not even acknowledging him with a “Hey, what’s up.” Or a “Hey stranger.” Just a simple “Hello” seemed to suffice. I was still angry with him. He’s not getting any special treatment, not after the rollercoaster of emotions I endured today.

The duration of the onversation was short, confused whether I should be a bitch right now or at another time when it’s in person. After apologizing for missing my call, he asked me if I was hungry.

My depression was slowly disappearing as I got more comfortable in my chair. I began to forgive him. First sign of the sudden heart failure: you still really care for him.

My heart began to get strong enough to beat on its own. “I was hoping you were asking for food, because I’m starving.”

“Cool. Well, I want Tammy (his old roommate before he moved in with Señor…nevermind….) to come because I’m sure she is hungry as well.”

In the background, I hear her distant voice saying “No, I’m not. I’m fine, you two go.”

Honestly, I didn’t want Tammy to come along, because there was a lot that I still needed to discuss with Jeff regarding his month-and-a-half intermission from my life. But something was telling me to table that argument for a time when we could be together, sipping tea and sharing a bagel like we used to.

I was certainly not going to arrive sober to this event. Lord knows what might happen if I didn’t come prepared. So I made myself look pretty, kicked back a shot, and walked into the restaurant.
I really didn’t know what to expect. But one thing that I knew that Jeff was going to do was pretend that he did nothing wrong. He is going to pretend that he is my Savior, but I with the passing of each day, I am starting to believe that he may be the Antichrist in my life.

I arrive inside the restaurant to see both Jeff and his roommate sitting in a hidden corner. I could feel my buzz kicking in, my confidence was increasing with each heartbeat, and I knew that as I was walking in, I looked good. I smiled warmly as I embraced Tammy, his roommate. Then finally, I had to embrace the Angel of Deception: Jeff.

He smiled at me the way that would always make my heart melt. But this time, I was onto him. After all this waiting, spending an entire day on a roller coaster of emotions, I had finally come face-to-face with the man that had abandoned me for a month and a half. I was angry; yet at the same time, my heart was leaping twice as fast as it normally would.

“It’s great to see you again.” He greeted me as we were holding onto each other. “You look good.”

Just feeling his warmth, I decided to let my anger take a smoking break while I allowed myself to enjoy the company of two people I had grown very close to.

Passing and breaking bread, a sign that interprets to let “bygones be by-gones.” No one wants to break bread with enemies, especially when one of them was paying the bill. Jeff was not going to get off the hook that easily, he was still going to have to explain why he disappeared. But I knew in the back of my mind, as much as I still do not like how he may act at times, I still love him. And that is why the world could end at any point. Because my love is so strong, and —yet— so fragile with him, that just the slightest disappointment in this man would send the world into a massive imbalance.