Bed of Spikes. Level One: Goomba

WARNING: YOU ARE ABOUT TO SEE WHAT IT’S LIKE INSIDE MY HEAD.

When I was a kid, I was crazy about video games. It got so bad that my parents took it away and ruined my fourth year on earth. I would always run up to my parents when they would get home. Instead of telling them that I ate two clods of Play-Doh, I would explain just how far I would get in Super Mario Bros..

In this game, there is two things that you must remember to go far in the game: bed of spikes and lava always equal death. Who cares if you run into a koopa or a goomba, you will shrink but you can always get big again by eating shrooms. I am still clueless as to what compelled the creators to create such a double-entendre.

Like life, we all must avoid falling into the bed of spikes in our lives. Sure, a goomba can be tossed at us and it can have the capability of making us small, but we just gotta shroom up and keep on going.

It is 65 days into the new year, and all the events that have occurred in this year have led up to this: the point in my life when I finally snapped and became very close to having my fat ass land in the bed of spikes. And for the first time, I became very scared that my life was in danger. But it was the discovery of what was going on internally that I was finally able to get the courage to fight back.

I was given three levels. It was when I reached the Final Boss to this nerd-resounding blog, that I finally snapped and almost had a major “Game Over.”

LEVEL ONE: GOOMBA

I start off the new level…I mean year…with dating Riddick. When he told me that he was only looking for friends, I began to experience the pain of another heartbreak; except this time, I knew what I needed to do to move on.

In that time with Riddick, he and I got tested for HIV. I volunteered to put myself through the syphilis test to get that checked as well. The next week, my life changes forever when I get a phone call from the San Diego Center for Disease Control gives me a call with some rather “unsettling news.” I was crossing the street when Tom, the doctor, informs me that I have tested “positive…

Time stops. The wind dies down. The people move in extreme slow motion. I am not breathing. My scarf dances in the wind as it comes falling down to my sides. My environment like The Cell when the helicopter is landing and everything is being shot at 1000 frames per second.

…for syphilis.”

Normal time returns and I stop in midst of a busy intersection, allowing myself to integrate the news. I began to cry. To this day, I cannot tell you if they were tears of joy or if they were tears of sadness; even though I knew for a fact that my disease inside me is treatable.

I continue crying as I go into the entrance of an abandoned building. The doctor gives me time to let it out. He was assuring me that it’s treatable but needs to see me as soon as I can.

So I arrange an appointment with him later that day. I went in and gave Riddick’s number. When Riddick and I went out for the first time, we fucked on the floor of his apartment. One of the things that we did that I now regret is not using a condom because I was a stupid idiot. While sitting and getting talked to about this disease I have, I slowly began to realize how much self-worth I had: none. How God spared me from having HIV but gave me syphilis instead to help me learn a lesson in being safe and to realize my self-worth.

In real life, I am a happy go-lucky gay guy that likes to crack some sarcasm and maybe a joke or two. Deep down, I am feeling self-hatred and beat myself up constantly. Because since my dad can’t do it anymore, I am only left with myself. Since the breakup with Jeff, I have never really let myself experience rest with realizing how pathetic I am. As the needles were being inserted into me, the nurse felt compelled to say this that only attacked my spirit and self-worth all the more.

“So are you going to let guys fuck you without a condom again?” Interrogated the nurse from hell.

“No!” I was yelling back as I was fighting back the pain. The pain of my own mistakes were almost emotionally killing me and the pain of a big needle being inserted into my supposedly hot ass.

When the nurse from hell inserted the next needle into my ass was when I broke down to nothing. This one hurt more than the other because she totally sucks at giving it right.

This is when you can tell that this straight bitch has never had anal. I thought to myself while trying not to focus on the pain. You are supposed to go slow and not get so rough on me unless I give you permission. It was when she pushed it in deeper that every bad feeling, memory, or emotion ever felt had risen up and overwhelmed me to the point of tears. I began to groan loudly as it turned to a yell, which turned into me sobbing uncontrollably. The nurse from hell patted my back while cooing me with her Spanish accent. “Es okay Pa’lo.” She cooed while rubbing my back. “It’s over.”

But I was still crying. So she whipped out another one of her infamous one liners. “Oh com’ on. You’re a man. Es okay! We’re done.” She tried to end those last two sentences with enough enthusiasm to make me stop, but she might not realize I am gay. I am a man, but I am not afraid to show my emotions.

Okay if I cry at the end of the movie Mask, then I can cry in public too damnit.

Being in that room was like being in a nightmare. Fighting off two nurses while being jabbed with muthafuckin’ needles, having a doctor stab me with other things. I think the one emotion that was true throughout was realizing how close I was to contracting HIV. I was almost like Joel. How would Jeff be able to handle when both his lover as well as his best friend both have HIV at the same time?

I was starting to wonder what was wrong with me before I tested positive. I exhibitied the signs of having syphilis a month before Every single day, I would wake up with a massive headache. I thought it was a bunch of things, but they all tested negative. Once I was given the shots, I didn’t spend another day in pain from the headaches. The syphilis had spread to my organs and it had infected my brain. It was getting to the danger point because I was starting to have massive headaches everyday, as well as forgetting things. The day before I had tested positive, I asked a lady four times if she wanted whip cream on her drink. I was forgetting almost everything. If I didn’t treat it in time, the doctors told me that I would have died.

Then I had to meet the boss of this level. Understanding that I had brought someone into my nightmare due to my foolishness. It was at this time that I stopped talking to Riddick because I was still mad at him. The next day, he called me to tell me that he got tested positive for syphilis. He began to accuse me and point fingers. I mean he was right, but I was not going to admit it to someone I don’t really care about anymore. So I lied to him. Inside, I was being injured because I began to fear that he will have to face the needles like I did. Riddick is terrified of needles and faints. Now I just involved someone, someone innocent, in a nightmare that was my fault. I made up another lie to cover the other lie and said that the doctor did a rapid test and I tested positive. I told him to fuck off and stopped contact with him once again. This boss was too hard. I think I used a cheat code to get past him. But I either case, I passed the first level.