Send Me an Angel

Anxious.  I feel like I am being buried alive with things that I don't need in my life, yet they always seem to find me.  I have 31 days before I am kicked out of my own house. I have places where I can stay in case the shit hits the fan, but I am still very scared that I might overstay my welcome.  

Right now I am looking at my future career.  The economy is a major bitch right now (thanks Bush). WHen I move up to LA, I seriously have no clue what I am going to do with it.  If and when I move up north, I am going to be faced with having 800 bucks to my name. Sure, the thought of moving to the city excites me, but the fact of being out of money and not having any finances to pay my rent, insurance, gym, cell phone, groceries scares the living shit out of me.  Yeah, I could call my mom for help, but I want to prove to them that I can do this. I just need to prove myself that I can do this. 

I just feel like I am running out of options right now. Leaving my comfort zone to move into a world that will eat me quicker than starving kids in China if I am not strong enough; leaving behind the one person that I truly love to find someone that can love me back; leaving this pain to possibly immerse myself into a deeper form of pain, all this scares the shit out of me and I have no idea what to do, or who to turn to.  

I am definitely excited about moving up to LA, there is no question about it. But it is the possibility that failure and pain might follow me up there that makes me anxious and nervous about even packing my bags...even if it is the right thing to do...