I never thought I would feel like an open area could make me feel so paranoid, so scared, and so ready to kick someone's ass in my life. Every step that we took going through the mall was another step made possibly closer to the now-missing "Yes on 8" stalker. Christine was calm and she was fine; but I, on the other hand, have never felt so on edge in my life.
Too many kiosks, too many corners, too many places for this guy to hide and sneak up behind us. I was looking behind and checking around every corner. When we reached neared the end of the mall and was welcomed with a curbside guitar soloist and a homeless guy that was not all there in the head. I looked around for the guy to appear behind us. He was nowhere in sight. I checked my scene for the guy and finally saw him. He was a nearing the intersection in front of us, he had given up. A small part of me felt victory for standing my ground for that long, yet at the same time, I still felt scared for almost encountering a potentially dangerous situation. Then a little voice in my head said this:
This is just the beginning...
I called my director and asked for another location that we could canvass at, he gave me a Starbucks that was two blocks away from us. Christine started to bitch again that her feet were killing her. Hopefully, it will be the last time the bitch decides to break in her high heel sandals.
For the entire rest of the day, we were stationed at the nicest Starbucks in San Diego. It was breath-taking! Outside, we were freezing our butts off with the gusts of the cold ocean breeze coming in. We were both receiving rejections left and right, getting very discouraged with our day. Christine decides to go back inside to grab a cup of hot chocolate while I continued to canvass outside. I approached a man and asked him: "Do you have a moment for gay rights?"
He then turned around and interrogates bluntly: "Do you know what happens to Sodom and Gomorrah?"
This stops me cold in my tracks. He did not just throw the Bible card on me. It was at this moment that I reached my own breaking point. Like an angry black woman, I took off my mental earrings and decided to fight back. Full force. Not giving a fuck what I said.
"I'm sorry sir. But you are comparing an old Biblical town to today's world. Two different societies."
"That's what's going to happen here if we allow gay marriage in California."
"Right. Well did you happen to hear about God burning down Connecticut and Massachusetts? Because last I heard, it was still intact and having to lowest divorce rates."
"What good does it benefit a gay man or woman to get married?"
Oh hell no. He did not just say that. Girrrll. "I think the better question to ask is, what good does it benefit for a straight man or woman to get married?"
He shut up. That's how I like my ignorant assholes. Quiet and without words...and if I done well, he will get out of my face.
He tried to make another argument, but I shot it down faster than Annie Oakley at Buffalo Bill's Wild West Show. He stood by me while I was talking to another person about gay rights, but I only gave him a look that made him cross the street fast.
This is what I deal with on a regular basis. But after experiencing the day I had, absolutely stressful, scary, and without making any money, I just wanted to go home.
We caught the bus back to headquarters once our shift was over. Jeff texted me asking if I wanted to skip the gym that day. Within a couple seconds, I wrote back. "Yes. I have had a fucking bad day at work and I need to just relax."
He wrote back telling me how sorry he was to hear that I had a bad day, and he wanted to hear all about it. I had a date that night, but hanging out with Jeff sounded so much better than being with someone I would not have any chemistry with.
I drove to his house so fast. I was so excited to hang out with him. Then, for some reason, on my way to my home town, I started to feel cramped and trapped. I was feeling claustrophobic and feeling that I was never going to escape the clutches of the pain that I was in. I began to break down crying. In complete denial that the hard times I had experienced in earning my degree had led me to this: Wondering what my next job was going to be.
Jeff opened up the door to his house, and I came into the house terrified and just feeling very lost. I had no idea where to go. My parents despise me, my dad doesn't talk to me anymore, my jobs suck and I am not making enough money to save up, I am being kicked out in January, I put my life on the line for my work, I am altogether not happy right now. I was crying in Jeff's arms while he was comforting me. All the abuse that I experience with this job is getting to be very mentally damaging and emotionally draining. I care too much about this issue, it's my happiness that is at stake.
After bitching to Jeff while crying my eyes out about all the frustrations in my life, he continued to hold me while I was letting the rest of my tears fall. I hope my life gets better. I am under attack in so many areas here, that I don't know how much longer I can go before something bad happens to me again. Wanna know the fear in that? I know this next one will push me so far over the edge that I might not be able to find my way back....
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