Enemy Within

We all seem to have an arch-nemesis. Someone that knows how to eat at us and destroy us from the inside before they can hurt us on the outside. To the majority, the enemy is often our own insecurities.
Buffy had to deal with the First evil. Drew had to face his first temptation, Angel had to deal with Wolfram and Hart, and Pablo has to deal with his father, who is set on destroying him.
I feel like the Universe is splitting apart and reality has been compromised, and my family is in the middle of this battle between one and the other. It's the end of the world, well my world.
My dad is plotting to destroy me and get at me through the only way that he could: through my mom.
I was heading out of the house when my dad asked me a question that made me freeze. "Who's 'diablo'"? Diablo, aka Pablo Diablo, is the nickname on my yahoo screenname. I have had it for several years and like how it sounds. Diablo means Devil in spanish so my dad thinks that all I am to say that I want to be Satan when I grow up. Well, he has a computer program on the computer that will tell a person where they go on the web. My dad went to that source and was able to read my emails on my personal accounts. And what he found certainly was not the best news he had heard. First of all, need I tell you that these are my PERSONAL accounts. NOT HIS. Yet, he still managed to find a way into them and read all the emails.
He thinks that all I do when I go out is fuck. Well that is not entirely true. I do hook up, but it's not an every night affair--to confess, last week I hooked up maybe once. I go to my best friends house where I can let loose and feel free from gay oppression. I don't tell them that because they don't like the guy that I hang out with. So I say that I spend time at a friend's house in Pacific Beach.
When I came out to him, he was obviously not happy. he was really disappointed. He told me that I was basically a failure, a disappointment, and worst of all: a mistake. He vows that he will continue to bash me and everything that I stand for and do everything in his power to gather evidence to take to my mom to hurt her. I had to put on a face to show that I am not going to allow myself to be defeated by this man.
He has never really been my favorite person, I have tried loving him. That is the reason behind my insecurities, I never really had my father encourage me to do anything. He was always the quiet one that would always be so busy doing yardwork or cleaning up something that he never really bothered to talk to me. Now he is doing everything in his power to hurt me. And that means gathering evidence to show to my mom. TO make her cry and make everything be my fault. Something that seems to follow me like a relentless ex-lover.
When does it become right that a father wants to destroy his son? I mean, besides ANGEL. And to make it worse, I am still living in this house. This house that has suddenly turned very cold and unwelcoming. It's like they all know my secret. One thing that is for sure, even though I know I am going to lose this final battle, I am not going to stand down and let them hurt me; I am going to fight back in every possible way that I can. I am not afraid of them anymore. I have the support of my very close friends and godmother so even if two people that I have spent loving my entire life say they don't love me anymore, I have the love of other people to support me. And that is something that they can't take away.
They can take my home away, they can try to take things that are supposed to represent what I am as a homosexual, they can even take away my finances. But one thing that they can never take away from me is my Pride. My proud stance to be a homosexual. I mean if they think that playing the tough love card will help: it's not. It is actually giving me reasons to run even further away from what they taught me. It makes me love being me more. Don't they even learn this from the Bible? When a Christian martyr is well, martyred, more spring up from this. More tend to come out of this. The same can be said with me, the more pain they give me, the more welcomed I feel within the gay community. Sometimes their reasoning is not always the best. But hopefully over time, they can learn to forgive and love me again.