Virus

Growing up and attending elementary school, there were three different viruses you were to avoid. The first virus is you have the most common one: the common cold. You get it at least once a year and you feel like absolute crap. You deal with green snot, a groggy voice, and an attitude problem that has the ability to get you grounded quicker.

The second virus is lice. As we grow into adults, we deal with the possibility of getting crabs; but that is a totally different story. If a kid has lice, you were to avoid them at all costs, unless you were in dire need to get a hair cut. You end up taking three showers that day, as your mom uses the small toothed comb that makes your hair scream for mercy as it picks up each gross louse egg on your follicles.

Then finally, you get the chicken pox. This virus brings spots to your body for a week's time and makes you into a quarantine case. You are stuck with mother, watching her Oprah and Passions with nothing planned except the oatmeal bath before bedtime. Sure you occasionally spoiled with food and sitting in the front seat of mom's volvo, but at the same time, you are still not allowed to have a social life; unless your mother knows a kid that has never gotten the chicken pox. Which later leads to you playing with them, exposing the kid to the virus and damning them to a week of isolation.

As you grow up, you deal with other viruses. But sometimes these viruses might not attack you physically, but rather emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. Like the childhood viruses, they can leave you feeling isolated.

If you read my previous blog Get Naked, then you already know that Jeff and I have gotten to be friends again; however, this time, I am the one that is stronger and able to be his friend without reading into anything. We went to Pride together as we both saw some familiar ex's that totally screwed us over, met some new hotties, and engourged ourselves in food. It felt good having my best friend back in my life. It was like having that breath of fresh air, being able to talk openly about our ex's and our hook ups without having any ties to each other. Then suddenly out of nowhere, our friendship had caught the deadliest virus. And I fear that I might have to pull the plug on it.

I don't know how to explain it, but he has been avoiding me. For reasons unknown. He did this before, then he told me that he was engaged. He was going through his drama, I told him I would be there for him and that I promise to be there when times are rough for him. Well, times are getting rough for me and he is nowhere to be found. This is not the first time that this has happened either. He has a habit of ditching me and making it all about him.

I am not holding any romantic ties to this guy nor am I trying to make a big deal out of it. But one thing that I do know that bothers me is that he is taking advantage of me. Of all people that I have to cut myself from...it has to be him. And people that like to fuck with me like that get dropped really fast. Like faster than popping a pill to make the pain go away.

My entire life has all been about trying to impress other people and completely forgetting about myself. I would let people take advantage of me because it give me the temporary relief that people like me. Up until recently, I declared my own independence and made a vow to not let people take advantage of me like that again; and if people are going to play me like that, I would drop them faster than biohazardous gloves. And now, like Buffy had to do to Angel in the end of the second season, I must end it with him.

He is a virus. Something that if not taken care of, can eat at me until there is nothing left. It happened before with my own thoughts, my thoughts became a destructive virus that left me believing in the world of my own creativity rather than what is being told in front of me. And now that I have a grip on my own life and story, I am going to take charge.