Unraveled

So close.  I can practically taste it.  Six days before my big deadline with CBS.   I have a feeling this is it.  Every part of me is ready to take that big leap, into the abyss of story.  Nothing in my life can satisfy this craving.  Sadly, everyone else can feel the hunger pangs, because of my now over-anxious behavior.  

Not only that, but I am also sensing the other pillars of my life begin to crumble.  The very foundation of my life is being stirred up.  Work, I am becoming an unraveled mess.  I honestly can't explain what is wrong with my mind, but everything is pointing North when I am still South.  Do it. I am told.  I have responsibilities now.   I can't just up and leave.  Something this drastic would require at least a 2 weeks notice, which I am not able to do either.

Today at my job, I realized how unraveled and disassembled I was becoming when my boss receives an e-mail from Security.  On Sunday, I left the gym, front, and side doors wide open.  I would absolutely own up to my own neglect; however, I know for a fact that I locked those doors.  I remember helping some ladies with directions to Mustangs and Burros.  But that was not was what almost made me melt down.

Summer Shoemaker, our director of events, wanted to confirm some appointments she scheduled with me.  The frightening thing was, I do not remember having one single confirmation with her.  I was training the new girl, when I felt both sides of myself being torn apart.  Am I really going crazy?  Is this really happening?   After 15 minutes of self-torture, Summer made a mistake and sent the e-mail to Brisa.  I almost wanted to cry, because I did not want to feel like I am losing it.  I don't want anyone to feel like I am not cut out for this.  Because if I have a meltdown while at the spa, something ridiculously easy, will I ever really be cut out for this?

I got home, grabbed an IPA, Goldfish, trail mix, and began to eat my feelings.  Hello fatty, next stop: diabetes.