Prodigal

Religion is a drug that can be used to better the health of an individual; however, it can be abused and drive a person to have a sense of total dependency on the belief system. In my life, Christianity has allowed me to realize that even though I may experience hard times right now, I can be certain that there is something better for me in the distant future.

In the four gospels in the Bible, there is a man by the name of Jesus that would teach valuable lessons in the form of parables. Some of the best lessons in life are always told in the form of a subliminal message. Aesop, a Greek slave born in 620 B.C., was a intelligent writer that would write in the same manner. The only difference was Aesop was more direct than Jesus’ parables.

However, one of the parables that Jesus taught is one that I can relate to at this point in my life. It is the story of the prodigal son. The son demands his inheritance from his father, in which he takes to Vegas. It is in Vegas, that he appears on Boys Gone Wild; parties like Amy Winehouse, and goes broke, all within a paragraph.* However, upon waking up in a pig pen on some random farm, he has an epiphany. He took advantage of the blessings that God gave him and tried to live fast. As a result, he went broke, has a restraining order from his baby’s mama, and getting dirty in the pig pen.

Six months ago, things between my mother and I took a turn for the worst when I was given the opportunity to move to Long Beach. I got in a fight with her on moving day, grabbed all of my belongings, and moved to Long Beach. All without knowing it was the beginning of my descent.

Within my family tree, there has been a tradition that still reigns true within my mother’s side: When family is about to leave each other, they feel that it is better departing in anger than in relief/grief of bidding “adieu.” My aunts do it almost every time they leave each other every Thanksgiving and Christmas. It’s funny how my own mother, a person who abstains from allowing her sister’s bickering to get to her, has done it to her own son; making the move to Long Beach that much more difficult.

It took more than a couple dials on the phone to talk to my family. I felt like I wanted to do nothing but try to make them proud of me by showing them that I could make it on my own. But the more wrong turns I was reaching while in Long Beach showed me that there was little to no hope for my dreams to come true. Feeling more isolated and displaced from my friends and family like a prisoner stuck on the island of Alcatraz.

Rock Bottom. The point in your life when you wake up in a pig sty. Personally, my own pig sty became the revelation of living with myself. Recalling my exit from the house was so gut-wrenchingly painful that it took every fiber in my body to pack my U-Haul and make the drive with Jeff.

I am the kind of person that feels the guilt of hurting someone immediately after I committed the wrongdoing. Once I had finally left my family and had unpacked all of my belongings in Long Beach, I had started to feel the weight of guilt weighing heavily on my shoulders. Soon, my own brain became my private hell. If I wasn’t too careful, I realized I was slowly nearing my destination: the Gates of Dante’s Inferno, aka Rock Bottom. “Abandon all hope ye who enter here.” December 31st of last year became a time of self-intervention and reflection when I realized that, in 2010, I was going to repair the relationships that I had damaged, and turn my life around in a more positive direction as opposed to being self-centered and achieve what I want.

In the conclusions to Jesus’ parable, the Prodigal Son had a self-intervention as well. He realized that his dad’s servants got better treatment than this. In the same manner, I had a self-intervention that my sanity was slowly beginning to unravel. Two weeks ago, I stared in front of the mirror, hung-over, hair tossed from lack of sleep as well as a shower, and missing a tooth. It was revealed to me that I need to repair the damage that has been broken in my family in order to advance to the next stage in my life. So the son returned to his family’s house, where he was welcomed to back with arms open wide.

Long Beach felts like a nightmare I was not able to wake up from. Granted, I will always cherish the memories as well as friends that I made there. But trying to run away from your past is as pointless as trying to speed through traffic. Like a horror movie, the hero always takes back something rather important so that way, he is that much stronger for the next obstacle that may come at his/her way.

I may have been the Prodigal Son for six months, but I did learn a lot. Overall, I learned that I need to be more prepared to always have a back-up plan. Having learned that mistake the hard way led me to Rock Bottom. Granted, being back home feels like, in a way, I am back to being a failure. It feels like I am having to Go Back to Start in the Game of Life. But right now, since I reached Rock Bottom, there was no way to work on but up from here. I guess that is all I really have to look forward to….