...when the world ends...(part one)

I sit in the car outside of the gym, understanding that the end of my life and the world as I knew it was drawing ever closer. I prepared myself for it all. What would be the most memorable way to call a time of death? Should it be memorable like Virginia Woolf in The Hours? Will there be an afterlife? Will I go to Heaven or Hell?

My heartrate keeps dropping as I watch with a haunting gaze at the clock. It is five o’clock in the evening. Four more hours and it all ends…my heart will finally stop annoying me with its incessant beating. I have done everything to prevent the end of the world, but it’s out of my hands. I may wait in hope that there will arrive a cure; but with the arrival of yet another minute—five-oh-one—my heart gives up.

Forty-eight hours earlier…

Jesus once said that the world will know the signs of the End Times by “Labor Pains.” Tragedies that will occur that will only remind us that the end of the world is near. I got my first labor pain of the End on Friday, April 24th 2009.

DING! DING! My iPhone chimes as I am about to leave the break room and back to work. Text Message! Curious, I return to my phone to check out the text message I had received. I hit the home button and my phone came to life to reveal a number that I had not expected to read.

Jeff had texted me. I may have deleted his phone number, but it has been forever engraved into my head.

My heart dropped. I couldn’t believe the fucker had the nerve to write me on such a bad day to want to talk to me. I was already having a bad day with not only being called into work on my day off, but also to be dealing with complete idiots and their ridiculous drink orders. The fact that Jeff had the nerve to write me just drove me out of my mind with anger.

“I’m back!” the message heralded in all caps. So annoying. “I just added minutes on my phone! I have Monday and Tuesday off this week if you want to hang out.”

I simply did not have any time to deal with this at this time. I groaned as I angrily bit back. “Wow. You exist.” As I threw my phone back into my locker and back to work.

For the entire rest of the day, I was already fighting several emotions. I did not want nor expect to hear from Jeff again. Over the past month or two, he has abandoned me and left me to fight my own battles. Granted, it was something that I might have needed, but to have my best friend betray my trust, miss his birthday, and leave me in the dark was downright mean. And unfortunately, I got over his immaturity of not wanting to talk to me and simply tried everything I could to move on.

Later that day, I texted him and told him that I was going to be off Monday. He told me that he was going to be hanging out with his former roommate in my town for the day and wanted to meet up with me then. I agreed.

Once I agreed to meet up with Jeff, I was overcome with anxiety. I had no idea what to expect, how I was going to react, or how to even approach him. I couldn’t really trust my body and my emotions at the moment. To be honest? I want to lunge at Jeff and sock him for abandoning me and going back on his promise he made to me. But at the same time, I wanted to have a decent conversation and try to let it slide.

Saturday and Sunday moved like sands escaping the broken hourglass that crashed on the floor. I became very reserved as I asked close friends and gay men for honest advice that can either relate or have talked to Jeff. Usually, I am the one person giving advice, but this time, I had to seek people wiser or more perceptive than I into resolving this situation. After much conversing with my friend. I had come up with a plan when Jeff calls to meet the next day.

Three A.M. I woke up. The sound of my snoring brother in the opposite corner of the room echoes into my ears. I shuffle around in bed praying for a quick arrival of another REM cycle. Then I felt my heart and realized what was going on. It was Monday morning and my heart was pounding like a bass speaker at a hip-hop club. My body is nervous. Although I didn’t feel nervous in my emotions, my body was reminding me that my instincts were not ready. After trying to distract my mind with fantasies of hot men or stories I am creating for my screenplays, my emotions were shook up too. Today is the arrival of Judgement Day in my Showdown with Jeff.